Just for Vizma

More fun for the holidays.

More Holiday Fun

I recently remembered these and looked them up. They still make me laugh.


12 Days of Christmas Correspondence
Dearest John:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.

With dearest love and affection, Agnes

***

December 15th

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves.... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.

All my love, Agnes

***

December 16th

Dear John:

Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three french hens. They are just darling but I must insist.... you're just too kind.

Love Agnes

***

December 17th

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.

Affectionately, Agnes

***

December 18th

Dearest John:

What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, John, all those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love, Agnes

***

December 19th

Dear John:

When I opened the door there were actually six geese-a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. PLEASE STOP!

Cordially, Agnes

***

December 20th

John:

What's with you and those birds???? Seven swans-a-swimming. What kind of joke is this? There's bird do-do all over the house and they never stop the racket. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't sleep all night. IT'S NOT FUNNY.......So stop with those birds.

Sincerely, Agnes

***

December 21st

OK Buster:

I think I prefer the birds. What am I going to do with eight maids-a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids-a-milking, but they had to bring their own cows. There is poop all over the lawn and I can't move into my own house. Just lay off me. .

Ag

***

December 22nd

Hey:

What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And do they play! They never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are upset and are stepping all over those screeching birds. No wonder they screech. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me. You'll get yours.

From Ag

***

December 23rd

You Creep!

Now there's ten ladies dancing - I don't know why I call them ladies. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of poop. The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm sicking the police on you.

One who means it, Ag

***

December 24th

Listen Idiot:

What's with the eleven lords a-leaping? All 234 of the birds are dead. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten swine.

Your sworn enemy, Miss Agnes McCallister

***

December 25th (From the law offices Taeker, Spedar, and Baegar)

Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McCallister. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McCallister at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

-Merry Christmas



And in honor of my crazy hero. Love her! ... So crazy,



Martha Stewart's Holiday Planning List

December 1
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.

December 2
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.

December 3
Using candlewick and hand gilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.

December 4
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling ecru, with mocha trim.

December 5
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.

December 6
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.

December 7
Debug WindowsXP (or latest version).

December 10
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.

December 11
Lay Faberge egg.

December 12
Take Dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.

December 13
Collect Dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.

December 14
Install plumbing in gingerbread house.

December 15
Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.

December 17
Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.

December 19
Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.

December 20
Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.

December 21
Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.

December 22
Float votive candles in toilet tank.

December 23
Seed clouds for white Christmas.

December 24
Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are.

December 25
Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.

December 26
Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.

December 27
Build snowman in exact likeness of God.

December 31
New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.

The 12 Pains of Christmas

This makes me laugh every single year. Tonight my personal favorite is number four, the card man. "Yo, ho! Sending Christmas cards," and "Oh, I don't even know half these people." I honestly thought about saying screw it, I'm not sending them this year.

Here you go:



Now I know this clearly isn't the original video but it's one of the few that give you the lyrics. Besides, it's funny.

Getting Together With Old Friends

Today I spent a few hours with some of my closest friends from back in high school. I've seen then a handful of times since high school but not a whole lot. Sadly, we pretty much lost touch. But it was incredibly nice getting to see them and catch up.

We met up at the Cheesecake Factory a few towns over from me and lost track of time chatting away. My friend Agnes has two beautiful little boys and my friend Marie is happily married and working as a teacher in the area. It was really nice getting in touch with them. I just hope that we can actually keep our word and remain in touch this time around. I've missed them over the years. I definitely think I'm going to have them over once the holidays are over and things kinda get back to being normal. Now, if we could only get back in touch with our other friend who's kinda MIA.

It Finally Feels Like Winter

Woohoo... Snow!


Outside in The Snow with the family.


The munchkins enjoyed the day outside.




Teehee.. child labor

"Christmas, Christmas Time is Here..."

Ahhhh... I'm now happy. I have the place looking the way I want it (for this year).

Two days ago, I got the tree up and a few other decorations out. But I still wasn't completely happy. I felt I needed a few more touches. So today I got my hands on a coupon from Michael's and I went to town. The great part of it was that they were running a sale on ornaments, and decorative pieces. I went only slightly nutty. I walked out with a bunch of things and only spent about $30. Woohoo! So now my place is starting to look a whole lot merrier. I love it. I will not rest till the place looks like a Bavarian village damn it. One year at a time, one year at a time...

Then I'll get to start all over again once we get a house. Yeah, it'll be a while till then, but still. I have big plans. I fully plan on making my house a home that Martha would be proud and hopefully jelous of.

How Funny

I normally don't participate in phone surveys, but this place had been calling for the past three days finally I decided, why not, I'll see what they want. The lady seemed very nice and happy that I actually said yes. She said it was about television viewing habits. She then asked me for my age. Then I heard her say, "Oh noooo." As it turned out, I'm one of the few people who actually agreed to do the survey, but they already had all they needed for people in my age group. I can't help it, but that kinda made me laugh.