Moments in Growing a Person

It’s official. I’m preggers.

I know what you’re thinking, ‘Hello, weirdo, wasn’t that the case the day you saw the second pink line on the pee stick?’ Well, yes. Yes it was. However, it hasn’t “felt” real until today.

Today (this morning, really) was the day I went to get dressed and ran out of things to wear. I have three dresses that still fit and a pair of shorts that I can still close if I roll the top down. Other than that, I can’t close anything around the belly.

I swear, this whole affair of growing a person is really something else. Aside from the clothing thing and feeling like a Mumu may become a viable clothing option, there’s a whole list of moments you run into that you never, ever, thought you’d experience. Here are some examples (Warning, some of these may fall under the TMI category, but I've been dealing with it, so…):

Smells: I have quickly developed an olfactory sense that could very likely rival a bloodhound. While this is a great thing when surrounded by yummy food, this is actually a terrible thing when standing in an elevator with a person with poor hygiene. OR when going #2. It’s gotten to the point where I frequently have to plug up my nose to go to enter a public bathroom or actually “go.” I found out that the slightest hint of a bad smell sends me into a bout of gagging and has actually led to me puking my guts out. Fun!

I also know when Aaron works with his buddy Park or his boss. Park smokes his boss doesn’t. Aaron quit smoking a few days after finding out we were expecting. When he works with Park, either Aaron or his buddy will get out of the car when Park takes a smoke break. It’s faint but it’s there and damn it I can smell it.

Shoes and socks: Yeah, who knew that something as mundane as putting on socks and shoes could become a chore? About a week ago, I discovered that the belly/bloat-belly was actually starting to get in the way. I know this is to be expected and will likely get worse, but I really didn’t expect it to happen so quickly. I’m not showing that much at all. At this point, it only looks like I’ve eaten waaay too much during that time of the month (at least that’s what I think, although judging by the pants thing; I may be way off base here). But yes, it’s gotten to the point that I can’t just bend down to put socks on. No. The wee one does not approve of this at all. I have to sit down and swing my legs over to the side to put them on. OR I have to get Aaron to help me. I wish I were kidding.

Going to sleep: I’m pregnant, I should be able to conk out at the drop of a hat, yeah, not so much. Often, this is when the wee one decides he is displeased with some morsel of food I may or may not have consumed during that day. Yes, heartburn city! Woohoo! There is nothing worse than being so dead tired, you begin to feel really cranky, but not able to go to sleep, despite the fact that you’re in bed.

What makes things worse is that I know I can’t feel the wee one move around yet. Apparently the middle of the night is when they like being active once they can move voluntarily. I’ve been told movement during that day rocks them to sleep but once you’re out cold and still, THAT’S when they wake up and start kicking around. Fabulous!

But wait, there’s more. On the few blessed nights when the wee one is pleased with the food, the thing that keeps me awake is the discomfort of having a belly. I can’t sleep on my right for some reason (too uncomfortable) and sleeping on my left just feels funny. So I have to sleep on my back. The problem with that is, I’m not used to doing this and the weight around my middle feels odd. OR, it’s too damn hot and I can’t get comfortable no matter how cool I try to make the room.

Peeing: Racehorse comes to mind. Now, this one very often affects the sleep thing too. Usually by the time I fall asleep, I have to wake up to go pee. I get up about twice a night now to go pee. I wish I were joking, but I’ve considered switching to adult diapers. Luckily, I just can’t bring myself to do it. Not to mention, I really don’t think Aaron will ever touch me again after something like that.

Sex: So apparently there’s a great divide between some women who are into it and those who are not during this phase of life. I fall into the group who are. The problem is that we’re quickly running out of options. Nothing, I mean nothing prepares you for the funky-ass sensation of feeling like someone put a rubber ball between your bellies while in missionary (he felt it too). Talk about a show stopper! I think we’re down to about two positions that work.

Eating: Ah yes, eating. I can’t predict when and what I will want to eat. There are times that I really, really crave something then can’t eat it at all once I get it. Case in point; about two weeks ago, I got a corned beef sandwich. The thing had been running through my head since the morning. As soon as I got it, the wee one decided it was repulsed by it. I managed to take one bite before the wee one decided it would push the gag reflex button. I had to order a soup instead. Then there are the days it wants to pig out. Last week I woke up and immediately wanted pizza from a particular shop down the street from my parents place. We got out early that day so I drove out of my way to go to the shop. I ordered a pizza. I got it home and proceeded to eat all but three slices of the damn thing. I would have kept going but I realized how much I ate and got a little grossed out with myself.

Then of course there are the moments where I will be perfectly fine then within minutes be ready to eat my desk.

So yeah, these are just some of the things I have been experiencing so far. There are more, but I really have to go pee.