Bad Shoppers

I got knocked down today by a little old woman. I turned the corner to walk up a crowded store aisle. I tool about a two steps in and looked up to see her coming toward me. I swear she football-style stiff armed me. Got me right below the sternum. I fell back on my butt. She didn't even bother to acknowledge me.

I yelled at her, "What the hell is wrong with you, lady?" She turned around looking as innocent as possible through these frog looking glasses and said "what?" as if I were the crazy one. I told her, "You just shoved through, hit me and knocked me over." She just stood there staring at me for a second and then had the balls to say, "Well, I couldn't get through." I was just dumbstruck. No sign of an, "I'm sorry," or an, "oh excuse me," or even an, "I didn't see you" (This would have been an all out lie but still...) At that moment, every last lesson I was ever taught and ingrained in me, that told me to respect my elders, went to hell. I said, "Wow, you're just as rude, mean, old bitch." Threw my basket on the ground and left the damn store. I don't exactly know why I did that last part. I suppose it was the last bit of decency left in me taking over, to keep me from hitting an old lady square in the face. I'm not even kidding either. I wanted to take that horrible, fuchsia jacket over hers, pull it over her head and frickin channel my inner Hanson brother (please tell me you've all seen Slap Shot) and let the fists fly.

So yeah, that was the start of my Chirstmas shopping season.