Physical Therapy and Need for a Helmet

About four months ago, we discovered that Little Man has a touch of torticollis which we noticed because of a flat spot on his head and his tendency to favor his right side. Since then we have been working with him to try to build up the left side and we’ve been vigilant about making sure we alternate the direction we lay him in at bed time. 

Today we had our first physical therapy session. It went well. The therapist working with him said his fine motor skills are actually really great and he has great range of motion. His biggest issue is that he still does show some signs of weakness on his left side. However, it's nothing that can’t be remedied.

Later today, Aaron will be taking the little guy over to have his head measured again for a helmet to correct the flat spot. Luckily, it’s really not bad either. He’s just in range to need the helmet, and hopefully, he will only need to be in it for about six months or so. I just feel bad because I know he is going to hate it with a passion. He has a real dislike for anything on his head.

Yep. I’ve been a bad blogger. Whoops.

So to catch up… The Little Man was born on April 3 – a whole week ahead of schedule. Apparently he had his own plans. 

What has happened since then? I honestly don’t remember. There have been loads of things that I wanted to write about and I have dozens of drafts that I started but never managed to post. Meh. But today, I decided I would get back to getting my thoughts out there. 

So the biggest thing after the birth of the Little Man, I am back to searching for a new job. My current job welcomed me back after maternity leave with a 20 percent cut to my salary. Ouch. So that was pretty much the last straw. I can understand hurting financially, but we can’t lose our house. It’s time to look for bigger and better. 

The other big struggle for me has been the balancing act between the things I can and need to do around the house. As much as I try I am still not quite getting the hang of this being a mommy to two little ones. I always feel like I have to either pay attention to them and leave the house in shambles or leave the Baby Girl to do her thing and let Little Man cry it out.

Sure Aaron helps, but there is only so much he can do. Unless it’s one of his days off, he pretty much has enough time to pick up the little ones, feeds them, eats dinner, then gets ready to head out to work. 

Heck, I am surprised the holidays came together as well as they did. Now I’m trying to get ready for Baby Girl’s third birthday. Totally threw together invitations for the kiddos at daycare and don’t even ask me what we’re getting her. I have no idea yet and her birthday is on Sunday. Yay bad Mommy!

Bad Blogger

I’ve been a bad blogger. But in my defense, I have been on the verge of either tearing my hair out or ready to tell people to piss off, so really, the idea of sitting down at a computer screen after work would not have been a good thing for anyone involved. 

So here’s another one of my famous recaps. 

I am not at week 30. I have 69 (teehee- yes, I am giggling over something completely childish, but if you’re reading this, you already know I can’t help myself) days left to go till the new little one comes along.

What’s new?

It’s a boy!

So far everything has been going as smoothly as possible. I haven’t lost feeling in my hands like I did the last time around and the morning sickness actually seems to have dissipated when the books said it would. Woohoo! 

Ooh… this weekend, Aaron took me out for a weekend of relaxing… sort of. I relaxed at a spa all day on Sunday; he gambled and played in a tournament. I don’t mind, I was overdue for some R&R and my toenails were in terrible since I haven’t been able to reach them in weeks. The down side was that I missed the Baby Girl. She went to stay with my parents for the weekend. Yes, she can be a handful but she really is the center of our world. Well, for now.  

Work… work is work and the main source of my stress and aggravation lately so I will refrain from going there. 

The family. The family is… Well— One brother and his family just lost their long-time buddy and one of the best dogs I have ever known, Benny. I will also miss him greatly. Meanwhile my other brother is going through a rough time in his marriage and it will not likely end well. Luckily my parents are doing very well. They’re just kind of doing their own thing. 

My extended family is doing very well. We’re supposed to be having Aaron’s two half-brothers out to visit us in June.  Aaron’s siblings and the two half-brothers haven’t had a close relationship for years. But then their two aunts, on separate occasions, each asked me to make them a promise to make sure Aaron keeps in contact with the two from Texas and crazy me, I kept my promise. So now after many, many years the five siblings will actually be together for a week. Happy day.

So that is pretty much the bulk of it all lately. The whole work stuff would take up its own entry and quite honestly, I don’t think I have it in me to go into it all at the moment.

Cheers!

The New Normal

This has been an interesting week for our little family. Not only have I reinforced some pretty strict rules on house training for the pooch, we were also splashed with a nice, icy dose of a new reality. Our little princess had to start daycare this week. Not biggie, right? Em… Well, not so easy, really. In a few days’ time, I had to reinvent our entire routine and hope the little one can adapt quickly. Because of the addition of daycare, instead of me getting up at 6:00, and letting the little one sleep in, I am now up at 5:20. I walk the dog, feed the dog, hit the shower, get dressed, wake Baby Girl, get her dressed, get her to eat breakfast, take the dog out one last time, and out the door by 7:20. She would normally sleep in till about 8:30 – 9-ish when my parents were with us (the rules were virtually non-existent when she stayed with them). oh yes, to make all of this work, I also prepare her and my meals before going to bed the night before. I even determine what's for breakfast and get as much of it as possible ready at that time, that way I have a few less steps to deal with in the morning. I still don’t have all the steps quite right but it’s getting there. Of course, we also had to get the little one into her daycare routine, which is another challenge altogether. She now has to get used to eating at a particular time but more importantly, get into her crib and go to sleep. And that, ladies and gentlemen is the monster hurdle. See, at one point I used to be able to put the little one in her crib and she would kind of just hang out, get her pacifier and go to sleep. Then my parents insisted on holding her to put her to sleep, and then we were done. My Mom even got offended by my efforts to try to get her to sleep on her own. I was in the room with the baby, mind you, just not holding her. This made the little one wail like a banshee. It got to the point where I had to kick my Mom out of the baby’s room when she stormed in demanding to take the baby to their room till she fell asleep. Awesome. But yes, we were entirely too lenient and took the path of least resistance, and now we find ourselves with a kid who refuses to fall asleep on her own. Note to self, for the future, tough it out. So yes, in daycare, she is put in her pack and play and is expected to sleep. We’re in day three and she is still putting up a good fight. But the woman who runs the daycare is no-nonsense and it shows. The little one has been fussing a touch less about getting into her crib. The one great thing about daycare is that because she is more or less playing for the majority of the day, she has been coming home pooped. I love it, by 8:30 she starts saying, "night night." Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with Baby Girl, but she can make it difficult to do things like clean the house after dinner or even relax before my bed time. The other aspect that we had to deal with is the complete overhaul of our finances. I knew daycare is expensive but damn, it stings. Over the next few months I will have to don my Mr. Scrooge top hat and slash expenses across the board. I’m so not going to enjoy that but ah well. Until I win the Powerball—which by the way, is the kind of frivolous spending that I am cutting out of our budget— this will have to be the new normal. F- me!

So excited! I currently have several things in the works and they are all potentially fantastic. Now if I could only get around to the lingering boxes in the garage and the flower bed. Ah, then that would also make Aaron do a dance of joy, which really just makes me happy because he won’t have to bitch at me about them. Here’s the thing, I am not entirely sure if Aaron as a realistic understanding of how little time I have, even with my parents watching the little one during the day. I mean, I can’t even pee in peace when I get home. I am fairly convinced Baby Girl thinks the room converts to a magical land— along the lines of an amalgam of Narnia and the Wiggles World— once the door closes, and she MUST be in there with me. But back to my original point, I told Aaron that I would gladly take care of the damn boxes and everything else I have to do around the house when he is off and can watch the little one. But every single damn time I go to do something, he brings her right back to me within a half-hour, to an hour of starting anything. His rationale, “she wanted to be with you.” My repeated replies of, “so friggin what?!” aren’t received very well. He interprets that as me being grumpy. And damn yes I’m grumpy. I have to not only deal with him bitching about the stuff I’ve been putting off around the house, AND keeping the little one entertained and/or keeping her from running off into the street or playing with stuff in the garage that she shouldn’t be touching, I also have to then deal with him getting on my case about being grumpy. What the frick?! I can’t win. Anyhoo, I did actually intend to write about things making me happy lately—kinda vented a touch there, sorry. So yes, I started this post hinting that I’m actually in a good mood. And I am. I’ve just gone through two very good meetings. Hopefully one or both result in new possibilities for me. So keep your fingers crossed for me and wish me luck.

Family and More

Holy smokes have we been busy! First, we had some family over. While, yes, we always have family visiting, these particular guests are special. These were the family members from Aaron’s Dad’s side of the family. They came in from around the country and although we actually gathered for a bit of a somber reason, Aunt Nedda’s stone unveiling, we were happy. It was actually the first time in about 14 years that Aaron got to see one of his half-brothers from Texas, and it was the first time a lot of them got to actually meet Baby Girl. As expected. The little one charmed the pants off of everyone she met and she even “asked” her uncle Azzy to hold her hand. I was so proud. It almost made me tear up. :) Of course the weeks leading up to the big family visit was chaotic. Aaron and I did our best to get things in order around the house. We burned through boxes from the move, stained the deck, brought over deck furniture, and gave the entire house a second thorough spring cleaning. We would have liked to have the back yard projects finished but the lawn guy blew us off a few times. But alas the family visit was entirely too short. The good thing is; we made a verbal agreement to try to get together on a yearly basis. I think prior to this visit, some people in the family were kind of hesitant to communicate, let alone get together. But if held to it, I think there’s hope for an honest-to-goodness close family tie. I know Aaron hopes that’s the case anyway. Since the baby was born making sure she knows where she comes from, and making sure she knows who her family is, has become important. Oh and while there are other big and exciting things I will eventually write about, there is one thing I am very happy to share now. Aaron and I have decided it’s time to get another pup. We’ve been looking around—wait, let me rephrase that, Aaron has been looking around at puppies. At first he said he’s just looking to see what’s out there… yadda, yadda, yadda... Next thing I know we’re driving around looking at dogs and yesterday we found an adorable little Pug that we just had to get. He’s a wee little thing but so darn cute! Aaron worked out the details today with the breeder, so in two weeks I will have a photo of the four legged little one.

Hurt So Good

So here I am, hurting all over but feeling damn good. As I mentioned in another post, I go tired of seeing my poor sneakers go unused and unloved. I also came to the realization that my tubby ass needs to slim down a touch. What's a girl to do? I got off the couch and dragged Aaron with me. Actually I came damn near close to having to use brute force to get Aaron out of the house. His excuse this time around was, "But I just woke up." My response to that was, "Well, you have to BE awake to run, so you're in good shape." He grumbled and tried following it up with, "You won't be able to keep up with me," and the "You won't be able to run the whole loop." I told him that I had no expectations to make it around and that seeing as how this is the first time I've gone running since before the pregnancy, I fully expected to run slowly. We ran around our neighborhood. Just one loop. Our neighborhood isn't that large but it is full of hills. I stopped a few times but not because I was tired, I had to stop and stretch. I also realized that this was my first time working out since the calf muscle tear. Overall, yep, I'm out of shape but it's not exactly a surprise. Yesterday, I had a very rare day alone. Aaron went fishing during the day and had to work so he stayed at his brother's. My parents took the little one to their house for the night so I was on my own. Did I sleep? Nope. I decided to break out the Insanity Program DVD and start that bitch up. Day one, fit test. I did fairly well. Some movements were a laugh and I almost fell over, but I actually did better than I anticipated. With the stories Aaron was telling me about his coworkers vomiting after the workout, I was a little concerned. I pushed myself pretty hard and it did take a good hour before I could actually move again, but no vomiting. Then I felt the high and decided, nah, I haven't done enough. So I dropped to the floor and did four sets of 30 scissor crunches while making dinner. I would have attempted pushups too but my arms actually gave out. I went to bed feeling really good. By morning, however, not so much. I planned on going running in the morning but the Advil didn't kick in fast enough. Ah well. Perhaps later.

Goals

My clothes seem to have gotten smaller... again. Don’t you hate it when that happens? So yes, I used some of the free time I had this weekend to swap out some of the fall and winter clothing for some of the spring stuff. I was a touch dismayed by how much more snugly things fit. I then looked over at my neglected running shoes and decided it’s time. The poor things have gone unused for far too long. Great. Now the only problem is finding the time to use them. I have the sinking sensation I may have to become either a night time runner. I mean, after dinner, 8:30 p.m. and later- kind of runner. OR start my runs at about 5:00 a.m. why so early? That’s easy, I have a little one who has gotten into the habit of waking up at 4:00 a.m. and while I can get her back to sleep, it normally takes a bit. But, this also means I could only really do this on the days my parents stay over. OR become a totally irresponsible parent and leave the little one on her own while Mommy goes running (yeah, okay). I am still not sure how well working out inside would go, but it might be worth a shot. Meh. I’ll do a trial run today and tomorrow and see how this all goes. It’s going to kind of suck ass though. That’s usually small window of time when I can actually spend a few minutes with Aaron. I would take him running with me. But he usually comes up with some excuse like, ‘I’ll start the insanity program first, then I’ll go running with you,’ or my personal favorite, 'you don't keep up with me.' Mind you, we have had that thing in our house for almost two months. I think I’ll actually get around to doing the workout before he does. So what’s my ultimate goal? I’m looking to drop about 60. Yep. Big ole goal, but doable. Of course, I’ll have to alter my plans should anything come up, like say, a successful pregnancy, but I’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

Hope

This is a tough post. I have been mulling it over in my head since last night and even decided not to post this at all. BUT I think, for my own well-being, it might best to just get it out there…. So Monday Aaron and I were treated to some great news. Muchkin number two was officially on his/her way. And of course, we were elated; cautious, of course, but happy nonetheless. I made an appointment for the first prenatal visit and restocked my vitamins. Yesterday, however, it came to a screeching halt. I didn’t feel so hot and I started feeling that tell-tale inkling you get when your period starts (I can’t really explain it better, so if you’re a guy. Sorry, you just have to be a woman to understand). But yeah. I called the doc and they got me in for a sonogram. My doctor, God bless him, said that the symptom my not necessarily be a bad thing. But also let me know that there’s a chance this may not be good. After the sonogram they let me know that it is most likely not a good thing. The technician couldn’t find anything. But said there is a slim chance that it’s still too early to see anything. I should say at this point, I had already come to peace with the fact that we were back at square one. So now where does that leave me? I’m actually okay. A little bummed yes, but that’s mostly because according to the Chinese gender prediction chart, it would have been a boy. But in reality I’m more concerned about what I have to do next and what I should be on the looking out for in terms of my health. But mostly, as a person of faith, I am comforted by the knowledge that this was God’s plan. And although I may not understand it now (or ever), I know that there was a reason—even if it was to make me happy enough to get me through some challenging days at work, and keep me from telling everyone to go screw themselves in the middle of an angry outburst. To some, this may seem like a simple-minded way to deal with something I just don’t understand. And it may well be. But again, I believe that during the times when there are no clear answers, those are the times that the Big guy gives you what you need to get through. For me that came in the form of a bible verse I heard on the radio. It basically said, no matter what is happening, God’s love never changes. And like that, I felt much more comfortable with everything. This was also when I made the decision to go ahead and post my thoughts on the situation Okay, now you’re thinking, um… why is the former Goth queen with the sailor’s potty mouth so preachy? I have no idea. It’s just what happened. But in case you’re concerned that I am about to go run off to start or join a cult out of grief, rest assured, I am actually in a good mood and am looking forward to retro-posting the entries from the first few weeks of the next pregnancy. No. I have no intention of posting things early on until I am sure the little one sticks. So for now, it’s back to my random musings and expressions of awe, over the amount of vomit and or poop one child can produce. And yeah, I ended up wearing vomit again last night. Awesome! I can’t wait for this f**king stomach bug to go away.

A little Green in the Gills.

Oh what a wonderful thing it is to wake up to a puking child, especially when it's three in the morning and she is right next to you, on your bed! Yep, this was the scene on Tuesday morning. The little one wasn't in the mood to eat the previous evening and was feeling a little cranky so I wasn't surprised to get a 3:00 wake-up call from the monitor. Luckily, Aaron is wonderful and answered the call. After unsuccessfully trying to get her to fall back asleep he brought her over to me. She fell asleep within a few minutes. I drifted off too because the next thing I know Aaron is waking me up in a panic. The baby puked. Awesome! We finished cleaning her, the bed, the mattress and ourselves, just in time for my alarm to go off. Sweet! The rest of the day wasn't much better. Baby Girl had exploding diapie issues and more puking! She even managed to get vomit in the vent on the oven door, so that Aaron had to open the thing up and clean inside it. I didn't even know those opened like that. Last night she slept most of the night. I got a 4:00 wake up call. But she seemed okay. I brought her over to our bed (so should have listened to the voice in my head that said, 'don't do it.') and about ten minutes later, ta-dah! The difference was that at least this time around, I was awake. She looked at me, gave me a sad face and blech... I ended up wearing most of it. And the bit that did land on the bed, I scooped up before it got to do any damage. So there I was, child on one arm, a vomit laden hand stretched out, reeking of sour milk (or good cheese), all the while trying to wake Aaron up. Of course the part that made it funnier is that during the cleaning process, she had an explosion in the diapie. Ahhh... fun.

Have Yourself a Terrifying Little Christmas

There are things that will forever be imbedded in my head as uniquely Christmas. These memories are your typical, warm and fuzzy memories of waking up entirely too early (likely an hour after my parents brought out the gifts.)

Sounds lovely, so what’s the deal with the title?

I’ll explain. Last year was the first time I ever even heard of the Elf on the Shelf. He’s supposed to be a spy for Santa that watches your child to make sure your little one behaves. Parents are supposed to move him around to make the kid think this thing comes to life in the middle of the night and in the morning goes back to being a mere doll. This year, I’ve started noticing that the Elf has grown in popularity and the more I think about it, the more confused I become over why this is. The thing is creepy. From its Bob’s Big Boy eyes, “It’s a Small World” figurine-like apple cheeks, and slightly hunched up shoulders, that are supposed to express a feigned innocence, the bastard creeps me out.



I am alone in this?

Personally, if I were a child and my parents brought in a possessed toy to “spy” on me, all the while wantonly flaunting the fact that it doesn’t care if evidence of its demonic linkage is known, ignored, and yes, even encouraged, I’d shit myself. I wouldn’t have found it endearing in the slightest. If anything, this creepy little bastard reminds me (yes, even now, as an adult) too much of the damn Poltergeist clown to be remotely cute.



Go ahead Google the thing and look up pictures of it. There are even sites dedicated to how “creative” some people have gotten with this thing. Evidence of the Elf’s mischievous nightly romps have been documented by sick parents (who I whole heartedly believe have too much time on their hands). They have made their children believe that the possessed elf has been rummaging about their homes, wreaking havoc by doing things like messing up coloring books, toilet papering the tree, dangling from a chandelier, using the toilet OUTSIDE, posing with other stuffed animals, and the creepiest of them all, resting atop of sleeping children’s heads. Seriously?!

Now, yes, I know what you may be thinking; it’s supposed to be a fun thing. He’s helping Santa. And this brings me to my next creepy thing. What the hell is the deal with the Krampus? Since when did Santa/St. Nick have a scary-as-hell demon following him about, eating naughty children?!


You’d think that somewhere in all the carols, and poems there would be a rhyme or a line about the bloodbath and the trail of destruction that was left behind as a result of naughty children being slaughtered as Santa flies through town with a monster in tow. You don’t hear a single mention of this in the “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town” song. Nope! The song only says, “you better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout.” I think it would be a much more effective warning if it mentioned, kiss your ass goodbye if you don’t behave or the only thing left behind will be a puddle of gore and bits of you stuck in the monster’s teeth. Holy shit! When the hell did Christmas get outright scary?!



What happened to the days of, the three ghosts will visit you and help you find a way to redeem yourself? Back then Dickens’ story was as scary as it got. Holy shit! No wonder kids are seemingly getting more violent. .They aren’t raging against anything, they’re trying to protect themselves from the possessed Elf that will tell on them and eventually lead to their demise as a snack for the Krampus!

Time Out! Time Out! Time Out!

Holy crap I need a moment to breathe. I have been running on fumes for only heaven knows how long now. I think it’s high time I got a break.

Recap Time: I have been working like a mad woman with more responsibilities and a staff of none. Yaaaaay… I am department of one and they have absolutely no intention of hiring anyone for me! The other shitty part is that the place is getting increasingly unstable financially. Needless to say, I’m putting my resume out there. What kills me also is that they have sent me on a few overnight business trips. The last one was a week-long trip. Yeah that sucked ass! It wasn’t even any place fun. I basically got to stay in a hotel and go from meeting to meeting. So once I got back here I was up to my eyeballs in catch-up work to do.

The Baby Girl is getting positively huge. She’s not only crawling now but she’s also finding out that she really doesn’t need to have a kung fu grip on things with both hands to stand up. Needless to say, the gate is going up before next weekend.
We hit a kind of bittersweet milestone in our lives. My father retired. My father has been the superintendent of an apartment building since 1991. But because of his job, we have also all lived in that same apartment since then. I loved the town we lived in and now, they’re no longer there. While I’m happy that my parents have now officially moved into their new place, and ours (they stay with us for a few days during the week to watch Baby Girl), I kind of miss the New Rochelle apartment. It’s been home for so long and now it’s no longer there. Odd. What really threw me off was deleting the number I’ve had listed as “Home” on my cell phone. It just didn’t feel right.

And yes, you guessed it. With them moving out, that also means that we have been pitching in as much as possible. Oh yes, I will have stuff in the trunk of my car. I should probably get it out of there.

Oh hey, there have been wonderful bright spot in all of the craziness. Baby Girl had her first Halloween. I had every intention of taking her out. She had other plans though. I got about ten minutes of her in her little sheepie costume; just long enough to take a few pictures. She then went into a meltdown. She was too tired and hot and wanted the costume off. So we stayed in and handed out candy. Ah well. I did try. Still, it was fun. I like the fact that there are a ton of kids in the neighborhood and they pretty much cleaned us out. I have never had that happen. I love it. The other cool thing was that I got to meet a lot of the parents from the neighborhood. Normally I just get to see them when I drive by but this time I actually got to introduce myself to a good number of them.



So, what was my costume this year? Let's go with "homocidal maniac. They look just like everybody else."



I actually wanted to break away from my normal vampire and go with Zombie. But I thought about it a bit and decided against it. I didn't want to get all made up properly and then have to immediately take it off for making the baby cry. But next year...







Later this month, Aaron and I are going to be taking our first family trip to see my family in California. I am really looking forward to it. I’m not sure how I’ll feel about traveling afterwards, but for now, I have a game plan and I’m keeping my fingers crossed. The trip is kind of a big anniversary gift package. The first part is the whole thing was a kind of surprise ticket to see Rock of Ages. Loved it! The unfortunate part was that it was on Saturday. Yep the day of the freak snow storm.



And while I din't actually mind clearing the snow, I really regretted it when later on on Sunday night, I was in pain in places I didn't know I had. Awesome. :D

Fumbly Hands

I've broken another cup and don't even get me started on how slowly I have to type and retype things. Yep, carpal tunnel set off by the pregnancy is taking its toll. I'm talking, I may well switch to sippy cups to keep from breaking the rest of the cups around here.

But yes, despite the numb hands, insane heartburn (I think I very well could melt paint off walls if I exhale just right), and increasing lethargy, I'm still staying chipper damn it, and I'm getting into the holiday spirit. I've got all my favorite Christmas movies out, including Nightmare Before Christmas and one of my all-time favorites, National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. And although I didn't make the doughs (fear of lobbing off a hand) I bought cookie doughs and started up the oven. Sure, it's kinda cheating but meh, they're still tasty :D

Luckily, I'm just about done with my shopping. I have two more gifts to get but I have a touch of time on those. I spent a touch more than I anticipated but it's okay. Now we're just going to have to tighten the purse strings and go back into saving mode.

But yeah, since I'm apparently going with a Christmas thing for this entry, I thought I'd share some great news with all of you. My aunt made it to her birthday and is still with us today. She was over the moon when my parents showed up. The visit made her so happy she honestly started feeling better and it even gave her the strength to eat more, which has been helping her, overall. Sure, it's not a perfect miracle, but as far as I'm concerned, it's enough of a miracle for me to be extremely thankful.

Catch Up Entry

Thanksgiving: I ended up cooking the bulk of the meal, but it was all good. My Mom helped and no one had to lose a digit. It was a much smaller gathering than usual but it’s all good, it made it much easier to speak with everyone.

Baby Shower: It ended up a surprise after all. I knew it was supposed to occur. I figured the most logical time would have been this past weekend. I thought it would have happened on Saturday (and I was right) but Aaron threw me off. His aunt has been up from Florida and I know she was supposed to head back soon. He said we were supposed to have lunch with them. I then figured it was going to happen on Sunday instead. Then we got to Aaron’s sister’s place and I heard the voices. :)

I got a lot of really great things and a few things that I hadn’t expected. It made me really happy and made me realize that the wee girl is going to be here before I know it. I mean, according to the ticker, I have 60 days left to the due date. That’s nothing!

House Keeping: So now I’ve given Aaron the task of making room in our closets during his days off. As it is most of the baby stuff is in our living room. The crazy part is that we have to get creative in putting her stuff out. I think I am going to ask Aaron to pack up our book shelf to make room for a small dresser and the basinet. I don’t think he’s going to be too thrilled with the idea, but we have to pack them up anyway. We’re house hunting and if all goes well, we’ll have a new place by mid-to-late spring and hopefully be set to move by the beginning of the summer.

House Hunt: Speaking of a new place… we’ve hit a milestone! We wanted to have a certain amount socked away in our house fund by the beginning of November. We’re a month behind BUT we made the number. Now Aaron is saying that he’s getting back in full house hunting mode (as if he actually stopped or slowed). I’m pretty excited about this. Granted, yes, it brings up a whole new set of issues, like what is the commute going to be like, what are we going to do about daycare, what are we going to do about his brother, but we can get to those when the time comes. Besides, the whole brother thing is just a big headache and makes us both get really irritated. Quickly touching on it, I have been helping him with cover letters and helping him hunt for full time jobs. BUT what gets to both Aaron and I, is the fact that unless we’re there hounding him about getting a full-time job, he doesn’t do jack to search or to reply to things. YET he says he wants to keep the apartment. Yeah… not bloody likely at this rate. All I know is that he’s NOT moving in with us.

Christmas and Chanukah: I can’t believe he’s already ahead of me. I thought I had a jump start on him but no. Aaron is just about finished. Ah well. The good news is that we should be pretty much done by this weekend. I have a few more items to pick up and voila! And I’ll have a Chanukah gift for him for whenever he decides he wants to exchange gifts. I know he’s really anxious to give me a gift. He even said last night that he hates buying me things and then having to wait to give them to me. He doesn’t really care that I got him anything since I’m already giving him a very big gift.

The sad thing is that I really think I have to skip decorating after all. I looked into our hall closet and there is NO WAY I can actually get to any of my decorations— at least, not with all the new baby stuff in the way. Boo… but it’s all good. I’ll just have to make up for it once we’re in our new home and get to throw a big Christmas party.

Sad News: I haven’t spoken about this but I think it’s time… Aaron and I have two aunts who are coming to the end of their days. As a matter of fact, one is in hospice care and the other elected to remain at home, rather than be moved into a hospice. I can’t say exactly why I haven’t mentioned it sooner, I just haven’t. Now of course, with the new baby, house and all the other good stuff happening, I can’t help but think that my two aunts are going to be missed. These are the kinds of things they would love being there for. The aunt on my Dad’s side, while she has had her issues, has always been pretty great with me growing up. She used to take care of me when we first moved to NYC, and was the one who encouraged me to break the rules every now and then, much to my Dad’s chagrin. But she’s also the one who made me realize that you simply can’t take things so seriously all the damn time. And the scarier part is that, as I get older, I am starting to look a lot more like her. Aaron’s aunt (on his Dad’s side) is just about one of the happiest, sweetest people I have ever encountered. She’s a kook and he grandchildren even call her “Cuckoo” rather than grandma. Apparently, she and Aaron’s Mom used be pretty tight when they were younger, which doesn’t surprise me. We’re not sure how long either one of them has. But unfortunately, doctors have told them their cancer treatments have gone as far as possible, and that it is now in God’s hands. It’s odd; while thinking about them makes me sad, I really think I’m still in denial about both their cases. I’m just thankful for the nurses they have caring for them. These people really are doing God’s work here on earth. God bless them.

Test Results

My Glucose Tolerance Test results came back and the results showed that I’m totally fine. I’m not exactly sure why I was concerned considering that I’ve been eating fairly healthy throughout the pregnancy so far. I’ve only indulged on a few occasions and even then, it was mostly apples; lots and lots of apples. :)

But anyhoo, the only thing I have to do now on doctors orders is take an iron pill. Apparently my iron level was a touch low, nothing serious, but considering that babies tend to suck up minerals like that, they want me to just pop a pill to boost that.

Now if I could only start feeling better I’d be a happy camper. I’m not sure if I’m coming down with a cold or if this is just a bad allergy attach but I have been congested as all heck for the past three days and yesterday I barely had a voice at all. Today I’m just draining, sneezing and feel generally blech. Ah well. At least Aaron’s been very comforting. He’s been giving me quite a bit more extra attention and helping more at home.

Was I Wrong?

I did something yesterday and it’s kinda bugging me a touch. So, you know, I have to air it out here.

So as you know, Aaron has been struggling with putting the cigarettes down for good. There is no smoking in our apartment any longer. Not even in Evan’s room. Especially now that there’s a baby on the way. So Aaron has been doing well for several weeks, possibly months. But then recently, like a dumb-ass he went and had a few. Not sure why, he said he was having a stressful day, and while I can understand that, I’m not sure I can fully understand the reasons why he went and lit up when he was perfectly fine and chipper. Before you go on, I know damn well that it’s an addiction and therefore, prone to cause irrational behavior. ANYWAY...

Tuesday we spent the day with my Mom for her birthday and while we were there, I moved Aaron’s jacket and felt the unmistakable shape inside his pocket. I thought to myself, ‘I HAD to be mistaken. WHY would he have a pack in his pocket?’ I felt through the material and there it was, about a thumb-length up from the bottom edge, the lid gave just a touch. I considered my next step, but decided to do nothing. Instead, I would let it go. Perhaps there was some other kind of explanation. Yeah, right! Later that night he made a comment about wanting to smoke a giant cigarette. I nearly lost it, but rather than brining this up in front of my Mom and getting her involved, I held my tongue.

That night we went to our first childbirth class. I’m still not 100 percent convinced this is necessary but I figured, why not, I’ll listen to see what the maternity ward nurses (i.e. the experts) have to say on the whole subject and learn a thing or two. Right after the thing, I noticed he was getting antsy and a little short-tempered. He seemed a bit anxious to meet up with his friend Jerry who I know smokes. ‘Hmmm,’ I thought. Right before he dropped me off at the front of the building, I kindly reminded him to not smoke. He got really agitated and started yelling at me. “I haven’t smoked! When did you see me smoking. I haven’t smoked at all!...” It was an awfully sharp response for a simple request. Hmm... Nicotine withdrawal anyone? Ding, fucking ding!

For the rest of the night I was pretty pissed off. He didn’t get back until after I fell asleep. In the morning, however, as I was on my way to work, I got my jacket out and saw his jacket on the hanger next to mine. I reached in the pocket and wouldn’t you know it, there they were. I thought I could do something fucked up to them and put them back, but that would still mean he’d reach in and want to get one. And what if he didn't noticed I tampered with them until after he lit up. Gah! So, I just took them. I threw them out once I got outside of the building. But for the rest of the day I was pissed off beyond belief. I mean, how dare he?! Its one thing to behave irresponsibly to a certain point, but when you know your behavior, because of the damn things, is affecting those around you when they are already emotionally sensitive? That just takes fucking balls. I was so pissed, I honestly wanted to turn right back around and cause a huge fucking scene. Not to mention he lied to me. He outright looked at me, while yelling at me for no good reason, and LIED to me. But once again, I tried to cool off on my own and not think about it. It mostly worked. The drive on the way home was challenging at best. I started thinking about all the other stuff he could be lying to me about. Then my mind traveled right on into kooky town. I’m talking, I could have easily convinced myself into thinking he was cheating; was not the person I thought he was; possibly some kind of sociopath; or even worse. By the time I actually got home I was so damn agitated I didn’t even want to talk to him. I walked in and he gave me a kiss on the cheek. What the hell is that?! I kept reminding myself to remain calm and not to jump to conclusions.

I asked him if he noticed anything missing? He said no. NO. HA! I then asked him about his day. He went out to have lunch with a friend. They talked for a while, just catching up; he played with her son, read him a book and she told him about her experience with the whole childbirth thing. And there it was again that twinge of jealousy. No good reason for it, but there it was, just the same. Hormones and anger are a hell of a combination. In those few seconds I got to the point where I wanted to throw something at his head for being untrustworthy and for daring to cheat on me. Now, I knew I ventured off into kooky town again so I forced myself to calm down and behave like a normal person.

Then he stated making dinner I helped but he pretty much took charge. Hmmm? Is someone feeling a touch guilty? Perhaps. I didn’t bring the topic of the disappearing cigarette pack. I may tonight. Only goodness knows what that conversation would have led to, given my state of mind yesterday.

I still feel a touch bad about what I actually did (going through his pocket and taking the pack). I keep thinking that it wasn’t the right thing to do. But then again, in a situation like this, perhaps two wrongs do, actually, make a right. Eh. Who knows?